Turning point??

So I turned 30 yesterday.

And for the last few weeks I have been drafting a bit of a philosophical post, questioning all sorts of things and meanings of life and why we are here etc etc etc.

It is not finished.

But for now, here is a poem my mum wrote a couple of weeks ago. Mums are cool :)

FOR HAZEL’S BIRTHDAY
Our Small is turning 30 in a while
And in those three decades how much she’s done
And ev’rything she does, she does with style
Like study, travel, work and having fun
Degrees she has with honours and first class.
America has seen her and Taiwan
In Thailand she saw Buddhas made of brass

And rode an elephant like Genghis Khan.
No verses about Hazel are complete
Without a mention of a certain cat
Who’s mostly black with white on chest and feet
And often joins us for our tea and chat.
Haze makes us laugh and entertains us too
And someone, very proud, is saying “Boo!”

Go figure....

I haven’t written for a while. Since my last post I have finished my masters, and started a job. Is that excuse enough for a bit of silence?

So this is just a quick one. I read an article in a Malawian newspaper on Friday. I don’t have it with me but it went along the lines of… USAID has stopped providing US donated contraceptives to Banja la Mtsogolo, a Malawian family planning and reproductive health NGO (along with organisations in 5 other sub-Saharan African countries). This is apparently because BLM (and the other organisations) receive funding and technical support from Marie Stopes International, a British not-for-profit sexual and reproductive health organisation.

The reason that they have banned the contraceptives coming to these countries is that the Bush administration claims that a UN program in China (in which Marie Stopes is involved) is promoting coerced abortion and sterilisation.

So, in order to address their concerns over a program run by the UNITED NATIONS in CHINA, the US government is barring contraceptives to some of the poorest countries in the world, that are badly affected by HIV/AIDS.

Now I must admit that I only have one side of this story. I am going to speak to a friend who works at USAID here in Lilongwe to try and get more information.

But for now, all I can think is:

IT’S NOT JUST THE US THAT NEEDS YOU OBAMA – THE REST OF US DO TOO!!!

Panopticon

In 1785, Jeremy Bentham, a philosopher, designed a model for a prison called the Panopticon. The defining feature of the Panopticon was that an observer (prison warden) could watch all prisoners without them knowing that they were being watched. This involved partitions intersecting at the correct angle to eliminate shadows, zigzag openings, pods, modules, 180˚field of views. The intended effect was to produce a round-the-clock surveillance machine. And apparently Bentham explained that it was not just a model of a prison – it could be a school, a hospital, an institution. Basically, it was a mechanism.

In 1975, Michel Foucault, a philosopher, described the implications of “Panopticism” in his work Discipline & Punish: The Birth of the Prison: "Hence the major effect of the Panopticon: to induce in the inmate a state of conscious and permanent visibility that assures the automatic functioning of power. So to arrange things that the surveillance is permanent in its effects, even if it is discontinuous in its action; that the perfection of power should tend to render its actual exercise unnecessary; that this architectural apparatus should be a machine for creating and sustaining a power relation independent of the person who exercises it; in short, that the inmates should be caught up in a power situation of which they are themselves the bearers.”

The prisoners are, in effect, disciplining themselves. Because they will never know whether they are being watched, they will always act like they are being watched. This psychologically changes the behaviour of the prisoners.

‘He who is subject to a field of visibility, and who knows it, assumes responsibility for the constraints of power; he makes them play spontane­ously upon himself; he inscribes in himself the power relations in which he simultaneously plays both roles; he becomes the principle of his own subjection’ (Foucault again).

Foucault associated “Panopticon” with the birth of disciplinary society and the production of docile bodies. Our mass surveillance society has been equated with this concept. One can find much literature and movies warning of the danger of mass surveillance – Nineteen Eighty-Four, The Minority Report, Enemy of the State. And obviously it is a very controversial topic in politics.

What about us? Are we the docile bodies behaving “well” in fear that we might get caught? And if so, who is at the top of the power structure? The hegemony?

But what I want to know is when did we begin to want so desperately to be watched? Is this at all related?

Look at me. Look at me. Look at me.

Please let me go on crappy reality TV. Let me reveal to the world my dysfunctionalities. Let me become famous for the sake of being famous.

Read my blog.

Look at my profile. Look at my friends. Look at my photos. Look at what I did last weekend. Let me tell you what I am doing every minute of the day. Please. Let me tell you what I am feeling every minute of the day. Please. See how popular I am? See how well travelled? See what kind of a person I am? See how much I am loved? Look at what I have done with my life! This is ME. Now you know! ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME!

Globalisation

So what is the definition of globalisation? Not an easy thing to define - various authors have of course made pretty good attempts at a definition.

My definition of globalisation:

One day I am going to have to spell it with a z.

Upside down

How many real heroes/heroines do we have in our world today?

And it was only yesterday that Nelson Mandela was taken off the US terror list.

I'm afraid I can't think of a nicer way to describe this.

F***ed up.

Shock

This morning, bag got left on train.

Bag contained laptop. Laptop contained dissertation.

Bag also contained other trivial items such as phone, wallet, keys.

Laptop also contained other trivial items such as photos.

I noticed when I was on the tube platform. It was a terrible 5 (maybe 10) minutes while I sprinted up, looked, found lovely friendly train man who helped me find it.

Moral of story: back-up back-up back-up.

Is 10am too early for a whisky?

Left, Right, Left, Right

Over the past few months, it has been impossible to ignore the run up to the November 4th, 2008, United States presidential election. The pre-primary campaigns, the primaries and caucuses, the excitement of there being both a black and a women candidate, and the thrilling final stages of the race for the presumptive nominee of the Democratic Party. Being in the UK over the last 6 weeks has also been an interesting time, with Gordon Brown’s popularity rapidly falling – a first anniversary opinion poll out today. With this simultaneous focus on the policies of different politicians and parties, it has been impossible not to compare the goings on across the pond. And I must admit it has left me somewhat confused.

Malawihazel attempting a political commentary? A scary thought, I know, but I must put these thoughts down. These thoughts are about the Democrats and the Republicans, the Tories and Labour. Can they be compared? Is there such thing as the Left and the Right?

In the last couple of weeks, Obama praised the Supreme’s Court’s decision to grant Guantanamo Bay terrorism suspects a right to challenge their detention in civilian courts, while McCain expressed concern. Meanwhile, Gordon Brown won a House of Commons vote on extending the maximum time that police can hold terror suspects without charge, to 42 days (that’s 6 weeks!). All but one Tory MP voted against the proposal, and the affair ended in a dramatic resignation by the Shadow Home Secretary, defending “British liberties”.

Talking of time limits, it is the conservatives in Britain who have proposed a reduction to the 24-week limit for abortions, with Gordon and many other MPs opposing it. Pro-choice and anti-abortion in the US seems to be one of the major divisions between the Republicans and Democrats.

In the States, the Democrats are known for being the progressive party with regards to the environment – evidence is Al Gore’s Nobel Peace Prize (and Oscar), and George W denying human-induced climate change and refusing to sign the Kyoto Protocol. On this side of the Atlantic the green card is strongly played by the conservatives (David Cameron even put a web cam in his home to show how good he is at recycling). Although, admittedly, the environment is taken seriously by the Labour government, and it is still “right-wing” newspapers such as the Daily Mail that try to claim climate change as a conspiracy.

One of Tony Blair’s legacies is the city academy. This Labour PM thought that the answer to education was to turn schools into businesses; prevent teachers from joining unions and blame them for the school’s failings rather than address the social problems in the school’s surrounding area.

Although there is no precise definition as to what “left-wing” politics are, and (as always) there are often contradictory views, I think there is a general consensus that they promote a more equal distribution of wealth and privilege and attempt to build a society with equal opportunity. “Left-wing” politics have been associated with trade unions, combating oppression, the welfare state and central planning. “Right-wing” politics are associated with the preservation of personal wealth and private ownership, self-reliance, and the free market.

So where do Labour and Conservatives lie? And Republicans and Democrats?

Could globalisation have something to do with this confusion? Pro- and anti-globalisation advocates suddenly find themselves agreeing on subjects such as the CAP and NAFTA. One set are singing praises about the power of the free market while the other set are questioning why OECD countries’ total agricultural subsidies amount to more that the GDP of (all of) Africa, and suggesting that this puts farmers in developing countries at a disadvantage.

Does the “left-wing” ideal of a more equal distribution of wealth and privilege include everyone? Or is it just the voters? They believe in a level playing field (unless you are a suspected terrorist).

Blair and Bush’s special relationship seems to have pushed America more towards the “left” and Britain more towards the “right”. Or is it the other way round? Britain’s left towards the right? Britain’s right towards the left.

Let’s just say, I am confused.

I will end with a quote from George Orwell’s 1984:

"From where Winston stood it was just possible to read, picked out on its white face in elegant lettering, the three slogans of the Party:
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH."

Less is more

‘Not everything that counts can be counted and not everything that can be counted counts’.
Albert Einstein

My methodology chapter should be about 3000 words. I am wondering whether I can just use the above quote....

Heather and Pete's Wedding

On the 22nd March 2008, my sister Heather got married to Pete on the shores of Lake Malawi.

Waiting for the bride

Getting ready

The choir

Bridesmaids

More Bridesmaids

Family

Where the party happened

The dawning of a new age of....

...blogging.

It's all happening. My "friends with blogs" have started up again. Magnus was inspired by a Pakistani taxi driver and Celine Dion, and is now ranting about Hillary, Tova is waxing lyrical about Jordan and Dave... well, Dave is stuck on snow apparently (one post a year is not a blog Dave, it's a Christmas card).

And me.

Well, I am back in the LITERAL ivory tower (NOT, i repeat NOT the proverbial). I am back in London, back at Kings, back in the library, writing. Writing. Writing.

And you know what this means?

Yes. You will be seeing a lot more of me.

Frustration

Setting: Geography Masters Computer Lab, Kings College, The Strand, London.

Immediately in front of the author: Desktop Computer
Slightly to the author's left: Laptop
Eleven O'Clock: Printer

The draft introduction, literature review and methodology are saved on the laptop.
The author wants to print the draft introduction, literature review and methodology.
The desktop's connected to the printer.
The laptop is 15cm away from the desktop.
The laptop is 2.5m away from the printer.
The flashdisc is sitting on the desk at the flat in Finsbury Park.
The wireless has stopped working (it worked upstairs in the cafe half an hour ago, but now is producing small yellow triangles with exclamation marks, and speaks of limited or no connectivity and IP addresses) so the DI,LR and M cannot be emailed.
The author wants to cry.
The library is closed due to a power cut.

Something is wrong with this network.

April Update

So it’s the last day of the month. My last post was on the last day of last month, and it promised new posts filled with adventures. And, of course, this hasn’t happened. So I will get a quick April post in. It must be brief due to my current circumstances. I am sitting in a Blantyre backpackers with 1 hour 15 minutes left on laptop battery, and 18 minutes left on my wireless account. So that gives me 57 minutes to write. Actually, considering my last 24 hours, I probably won’t use the full 57 minutes. I will just describe a few things I’ve been up to over the last week. And then I promise, promise, promise to write more soon. Although I don’t know why I am so worried – “my friends with blogs” are rubbish and never post.

So, my week in a nutshell… (actually, let’s make it 8 days so that I can include going to court). I’ve been to court. Pleaded guilty. Paid a fine. I’ve sent yet another draft to my supervisor, only to get an automated response to say that he’s on holiday. I’ve been to a paradise island on Lake Malawi. I’ve been 25 metres below the surface, with the cichlids, the crabs and the eels (and my buddy and the dive master). I’ve driven up the escarpment of the rift valley from the lake shore to dedza and down again to Lilongwe. I’ve got home, unpacked, packed again and driven down to Blantyre, and then down to the Shire Valley to Chikwawa. I’ve been in focus groups with Malawian women farmers involved with fair trade sugar. I’ve sat on a beer crate in Chikwawa’s latest bar watching the UEFA Champion’s league semi final of Man U and Barcelona. And now I sit in a Blantyre backpackers. A cit backpackers – what a strange, transient place. Kylie sings from the bar, the usual suspect Blantyre crowd have their after work greens. A couple from a (unidentified) European country sit at the computer checking their emails. A Japanese couple are in the room next to me – listening to Japanese pop. I long to be at home but know not to drive to Lilongwe in the dark.

Till next time. I promise more.

Happy (late) Birthday

I missed my blog's first birthday!!! I feel very guilty!!! It was on the 8th of March.

So we have survived a year :)

Much has happened since my last blog - been busy busy busy. But things are slowly returning to "normality". And I promise to write about recent events soon.

The Choir

On Monday night I watched a documentary made by the son of a friend of my mum’s. Shot over six years, “The Choir” follows the lives of inmates in the choir at Johannesburg’s Leeuwkop Prison. I’m not sure how to get hold of a copy (I will find out), but if you ever get the chance, please see it. It is an incredible example of the healing power of music. It shows how valuable, a strong and positive leader can be. It is also beautifully filmed.

Lists

Lists, lists, lists. I am fascinated by lists. And, maybe I should warn the reader who has no interest in lists to stop right now. Read no further, this post will be dreadfully boring to you.

At this stage of my dissertation, much of my world consists of lists: to look up; to print; to do; to email; for literature review; for references; for acknowledgements etc etc etc. And a big part of the dissertation, I realise, will be managing to coordinate these lists. I need to juggle them. Make sense of them. I need to not lose any of them. Keep the number of notebooks with my lists in them to a minimum. Organise. Organise. Sort. Sort. Arrange. Systematise.

But what is most fascinating is finding lists you have made in the past. With all my sorting, I have come across some bits of paper with lists on them. “To do” lists can take you right back to a situation in your life and can be VERY interesting. They remind you what you were doing a few months ago. Some lists, however, are just puzzling.

• Secret Santa
• Wedding
• Gramsci

I found a document in the “blog” folder in my computer entitled “Toast and Honey”. In this document I found the following list:

• Toast and honey
• Name badges
• Biofuels
• Golden lion tamarin
• Agricultural subsidies
• Full moon
• Mushroom pizza

This list was obviously some ideas I was having for a blog post, but for the life of me, I cannot remember what on EARTH I was talking about. I must apologise to my readers for forgetting this, as I feel it would have been an interesting post.

I love randomness.

One more list. I typed something into the search box of wikipedia. They didn’t have exactly what I was looking for, but they did give me the following list of other pages that may help me. I will give a prize to whoever can come up with my original search words.

• Centre for Fire, Explosive and Environment
• Jersey Zoological Park
• Biman Bangladesh Airlines
• The Late, Late Breakfast Show
• Bicycle Helmet
• Aga Khan Agency for Microfinance
• Doctor Who
• European Union
  

The decision

Decisions are funny things (can we call them things?). Some are easy to make – should I brush my teeth? Some are sometimes easy and sometimes hard – what should I have for lunch? Some are sometimes hard, but you know they are the right choice – should I go for a run? Some are easy and you know they might not be the best choice in all ways – should I stay out all night dancing? Some are very important and are very difficult to make – should I end this relationship? Some are very important, yet may be easy to make – who should I vote for? Some are unimportant, yet still seem to take much deliberation – what should I wear tonight?

You get my drift – our lives all full of decisions. Important, unimportant, difficult, easy, confusing etc. We make them everyday.

But every now and then, a decision comes along and surprises you; slaps you in the face and takes you unaware. Unaware that you even had to make this decision, that you were even thinking about it or that it was even an option. And before you know it you have made the decision without even thinking about it, without contemplation.

This happened to me last Sunday. While catching up with an old friend, discussing my next steps, living in London, my career – she asked me a simple question – “Why don’t you look for a job in Lilongwe?”.

And that was it. I knew that I was going to stay in Lilongwe and look for a job. Something inside me said YES. My state of mind changed. Everything felt right. The universe conspired.

So I am staying. Of course, if I don’t find a job, I will go somewhere else. But the positivity that I feel is overwhelming and I’m sure that I will find something.

2008 is going to be a good year.


A few snapshots of Lilongwe: (more to come)
Lilongwe River and the market

Area 2 market

A game of chequers

Old Town

Court number One.

When Monica and I started playing squash at the Lilongwe Golf Club a few weeks ago, someone said to us “Make sure you get court number 2 – as it is better that court number 1.”

So we’ve been playing in court number 2.

Until last Saturday, court number 2 was occupied. And then we understood the recommendation.

The debris that falls off the wall if you manage to hit the right spot.

The patch.

Monica in despair!

Ewen

Last week, I received an email from an old friend, telling me that a friend of ours from school had taken his life last Sunday.

Ewen was funny, truly funny. His quiet and dry humour entertained us all. His view of the world was spot on, his perceptions sharp, he would notice the little things and bring out their funny side. It is always so refreshing to be around someone like that. But more than that, Ewen was sincere and kind. And with the same subtlety of his humour, he was gentle person. He was a good friend.

He must have been so sad. And lonely. I think we all know what it’s like to be lonely, even when we are surrounded by people who love and support us. But his loneliness must have been just too unbearable. This is just too sad.

All I can think of now (forgive me for this selfish reflection) is how I would love nothing more than to sit down and have a cup of tea or a pint with him. To catch up on each other’s news. To laugh and be silly.


Come away, O human child!
to the waters and the wild
with a faery, hand in hand,
for the world's more full of weeping than you can understand...
- - - W. B. Yeats


We are all so fragile.

Rest peacefully friend.

Differences

Since my last post, I have travelled. Travelled, relocated, moved. Three weeks ago I exchanged the short days and Christmas lights of London, for the sunshine and tropical showers of Lilongwe.

But how far have I travelled?

In Kilometres – not sure, but it must be about eight or nine thousand..

In hours – well, that depends on the airline. It also depends on when you start counting from. Should I start the journey from the moment I got in my taxi? The hour waiting in the queue for the Ethiopian airlines desk? I was surrounded mostly by fellow Africans. Then of course there were the hours in the air with a short stopover in Addis before arriving in Lilongwe. And when should I count as arriving in Lilongwe? When I could see it in the distance, as we approached the runway or when we actually landed? Or perhaps a couple of hours later when I had waited unsuccessfully for my luggage, reported the missing bags, and was in the car with my mum, driving back to area 3.

Anyway, details, details – in hours – approximately fifteen.

But aside from these standard measurements how far did I really travel? How big has the change been?

I have gone from being independent back to living in my family home. I drive instead of taking the bus or tube. I sit at the same computer, listening to the same music, yet I look out the window at grass, trees, space, instead of into other people’s gardens and lives. Instead of taking vitamin C and trying to avoid a cold, I smother myself in insect repellent, hoping to avoid malaria. The internet (although PAINFULLY slow) takes me to the same places as when I sat at my desk in London. My blog hasn’t travelled – it is at the same http:// address, and my readers (all hundreds of them) may be reading it from the same place.

It is the same but different. I am different, yet the same.

But something specific has made me think about all of this. Something, that has happened at home. One of the people who work for my mum has been accused of being a witch. Neighbours have informed us that he takes their children flying at night. The two other people who work with us have acknowledged these concerns, and even the children of one of them have confirmed that they too have been taken flying – against their will, in a plane, over Mozambique, Zimbabwe and South Africa. Although witchcraft is widespread in Malawi, and many people regularly consult traditional doctors, this is a serious accusation, as he is not an official witch, and therefore these actions are grave.

So, what to make of these accusations? Has someone got something against this man? Is this small-scale McCarthyism?

Or not. The neighbours explained that this is not something we would understand as we are not Malawian, and this is not in our culture. A good friend of ours, who is Malawian, explained that this kind of problem is very real and if something is not done, it could lead to violence. Therefore action must be taken.

All this reminds me that, although I consider Malawi my home, and think of myself as Malawian, there are still (and probably will always be) huge differences between my culture and the Malawian culture. As much as I respect such beliefs and acknowledge them, I will probably never understand them.

And this thought worries me. Does this mean that I don’t really belong here? That I never will? This is the place that I love and where I feel at home.

So I must get a hold of myself and go back (once again) to the main reason for starting this blog. I am trying to develop the social scientist within me. There are people, there are communities, there are societies, there are cultures. And there is me trying to make some sense of all this, or at least a little bit of sense within myself. Cultures will mix more and more as our world becomes smaller, but they don’t have to be diluted and we don’t have to understand everything. The differences between us are good and enriching (as long as we are tolerant and compassionate).

I have travelled. To be at home, to be with family, and to do the research for my dissertation. And maybe by the end of it I will be a small step closer to understanding my place in all of this.

And I will keep writing. Malawihazel had a short break, but is back!

Happy New Year.